


Who's in Character Anyway?

by Coriana



Category: Ghost Hunt
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Comedy, Complete, Gen, Humor, Oneshot collection, Parody, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-23 23:26:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9686867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coriana/pseuds/Coriana
Summary: A look into the typical day on the set of Ghost Hunt. Satire, crack, parody, plenty of Breaking the Forth Wall. Complete





	1. Take: One

At eight o'clock sharp, Mai strutted back and forth in the living room, watching the front door of the SPR office with dark, waiting eyes.

He was late. Again.

Just as the thoughts were crossing her mind, Naru suddenly burst through the front door. "Sorry I'm late!"

She glared down at him – as well as she could, since she was shorter than him. "You're late," she said, as if he hadn't announced it himself. "Make me tea."

Naru gave her a large smile. "Yes, Boss."

A moment of contemplation passed between them. Naru frowned and crossed his arms, his eyes going hard. "This is _not_ my script," he said in a voice like ice.

Mai felt herself deflate. She knew she wouldn't have been able to hold a performance to his own. Besides, it all comes easier to someone when that someone _isn't_ acting.

She ran to the kitchen and pulled the script of out the drawer. "How was I supposed to know?" she demanded, "It says Oliver Davis on it. Who's that?"

"It's _my_ name. Who did you think it was?" he said, snatching it out of her hands.

Mai wrinkled her nose and tilted her head to the side. "When did that become your name?"

"Oh, that's right," he said. "You haven't gotten that far. Just know that it is some plot twist further on in the story that will blow your mind." He flipped through the script.

"I hate people saying that to me! You jerk!"

"I'm keeping you in suspense."

"You jerk. You big, smelly, narcissist jerk."

He rolled up the script and put it into his black jacket.

"Now to set things straight. Mai, make me –"

"I know, I know," she said, "Make you tea. I'm on it."

"No," Naru said, looking slightly mortified. "Bring me orange juice."

Mai had to let that sink it. "Wait, you mean to tell me you drink things besides tea?"

"I don't like tea," he told her, as if the whole world knew that. He snapped his fingers. "Hop on it."

Mai didn't know how to 'hop' onto anything, but she dutifully went to the kitchen. She automatically reached for the teapot, but she had to pull her hand back and looked into the fridge.

She was surprised to see that there was orange juice in the refrigerator. She had never seen it there before.

Since there was nothing but sets of teacups in the cabinets, she pulled out a delicate blue one that she knew that he liked, because it matched his eyes. She poured the orange juice into the cup until it was nearly to the rim.

Mai walked to Naru's office door, moving carefully as not to spill the drink. Right before she opened the door, she pulled out a pair of sunglasses out of her pocket and put them on.

She opened the door to the obnoxiously bright, surely to blind you if you looked at it directly, somewhere so hot that you could practically suntan in here. It was Naru's office, where he had every lamp decorated around the room. Old antique ones, new modern ones and all the ones in between. Ranging from sizes of a monstrosity in the corner, small pea-sized ones, and medium ones sprinkled through out them. Mai had to be careful not to step on any of the ones that he had set on the floor, since his desk, ceiling and walls had been taken up.

Naru had the blinds closed behind him, since he believed that the sun could be no match for his bright, modern technology.

Mai set the teacup on the desk before him. "Here is your te— orange juice."

When Naru saw that it was in a teacup, he frowned at her. "I wanted it in a wineglass."

"We don't have any wineglasses. Neither of us is old enough to drink, remember?"

Naru sighed and picked up the tea cup delicately.

"Oh," Mai said, "I don't know how old that orange juice is, since I don't remember when it got into the fridge, but you might want to sniff it before you drink it."

But to Mai's fault, Naru had already taken a sip.

He stared down into the cup. "Impossible. They can't poison the main character."

"Excuse me?" Mai said, "I am the main character here!"

"No, you must be mistaken. You are the main love interest."

"No, I'm not! _You_ are the main love interest. But how that can be is beyond me!"

"I'm sorry to say, but everything is beyond you, Mai. Besides, there are a few good reasons I can think of." Naru gave her one of his best smiles, "You know, slight British accent, dashing good looks?"

"You don't have a British accent…"

Naru frowned, as if this fact bothered him. "Technically speaking, I should." The watch on Naru's wrist beeped.

He made a shooing motion with his hands. "Out. Your time is up. If you're in here any longer, people start getting suspicious." He went back to the work scattered all among his desk. It seemed like he could never get any of it done.

Mai left the office and took her sunglasses off. She had to let her eyes adjust to the normal sunlight. When they adjusted, she was shocked to see Lin on the couch, writing furiously on a notebook. He hadn't been there when she had gone into the office.

"Lin," she said, bouncing up to him, because it seemed in character. "Where's your computer?"

Lin's face twisted. "I don't have a computer. I hate computers. I mean, I really _hate_ them, I feel as if my eyes will fall out if I stare at the stupid screen for too long." He put his hand in his hair, his other hand never stopping on the notepad. "I don't understand. Why does everyone ask where my computer is? I hate computers. Why would I own one? And yet, they always ask 'Lin, where's your computer?'"

Lin pulled a handkerchief from his shirt, covering his face with it. "I'm sorry," he said to Mai, who was sitting beside him. "I just get so emotional. I just don't understand why they always ask that." He dabbed at his eyes.

Mai smiled at him. She couldn't believe that he was able to pull off the real shootings. He was _seriously_ a good actor. The way that he always kept it together and never broke down in a mess of tears. Mai had felt so bad yelling at him in that scene during the 'Blood-Stained Labyrinth' shooting. She had thought he would be able to take it, and that he would run up to her and hug her, telling her how sorry he was for not talking to her for so long. But he hadn't, he had kept it together and the scene had played out so wonderful and emotional.

She admired Lin so much. Like a father.

Mai went to the kitchen, pulling herself up onto the counter. She pulled a Ghost Hunt novel out of her purse, and started reading. Just to make sure she really was the main character.

 


	2. Take: Two

And in walked John Black.

Suddenly he sounded a whole lot more sinister.

Mai frowned at John, who was leaning against the doorway with his one leg propped up. He had sunglasses on, a leather jacket, black jeans and a black shirt. He was wearing a belt with a silver skull ornament as the belt buckle. His one ear was pierced with a small black cross hanging from a tiny chain. He was wearing a choker that had another cross hanging from the leather.

And to top it all off, he had died his hair black.

"John?" Mai said hesitantly. "Are you okay?"

John flipped his hair back and removed his sunglasses, putting them onto his head. "I thought I should fit into my new name."

"What new name?" Mai said, running to the kitchen to retrieve her script.

And in walked John Black. Mai blinked, "That's a typo!" she shouted to John in the main room.

"It's still a color," John said back.

Mai returned to the front room. John had draped himself over the couch.

"I'm quite comfortable with this new look," he told her.

Lin was sitting on the couch opposite, his hand never ceasing writing on his notepad. He kept looking up at John with a confused expression.

"Yo, man, where's your computer?" John asked.

Lin's hand started to shake so violently, that he broke the tip of the pencil on the notepad. He turned away from John, burying his face in his tear-stained handkerchief.

John made no comment on the matter, seeing that it was obviously easier to leave weepy Lin alone.

Naru came out of his office, the light illuminating him from behind, so that it looked like some space alien coming from his ship.

He closed the door and the light stopped, as if the switch had been turned off.

"John," Naru said, and then he slowed as he took in John's attire. "Come directly from a different shoot?"

John nodded, "I'm glad they messed up the script. I wouldn't have been able to come like this otherwise."

"Is that all?" Mai said, wiping away fake sweat.

"Mai," Naru said, staring straight into her eyes, "Make me –"

"Orange juice," Mai said, "I've got it, all right?"

"Would you be quiet and listen, Mai? I want chocolate milk."

Mai turned to look at him, raising her eyebrow. "What, are you, like, five years old?"

"I find that to be very offensive," Naru said. "Besides, I sold the teakettle. I found out that it fetched a very high price on eBay."

"You sold the teakettle?" Mai whispered, tears rushing to her eyes. She hadn't even gotten to say goodbye.

She went to the sanctuary of the kitchen first before she allowed herself to cry. She had loved that teakettle, how would she go on without it? If she had known, she would have bought it on eBay in a heartbeat, no matter the price, because you couldn't put a price on love.

In fact, she loved that teakettle more than she liked its owner.

But then again, it had always whistled for her just as much as the owner had. Maybe it was time to let go and move on from abusive relationships.

When she opened the cabinet, she saw that all of the teacups had been sold off. Even the delicate blue one that matched Naru's eyes. The cabinet was now full of wineglasses.

She took one down and poured the chocolate milk into it. She was surprised that they had chocolate milk. The things that appeared on set at need always amazed her.

When she returned to the main room, Naru was waiting outside of his office, looking quite impatient. As he always did.

Mai handed him the wineglass full of chocolate milk. He took a refined sip, as if it were some expensive wine.

Then the door of the SPR opened, revealing Masako Hara, wearing a gorgeous ball-gown made of silver and gold silk, a dusting of silver sparkles on her face, thick gold eyeliner, and a diamond necklace at her throat.

Beautiful was indeed the word. Or you could say that she looked like a silver-and-gold Christmas tree ornament.

Mai closed her eyes and tried hard to remember if she was supposed to wear something other than jeans and T-shirt today.

"My wardrobe got mixed up with somebody else's. That means somebody else is wearing my precious kimono." Masako put her silver and gold glove-clad hand to her mouth.

"At least it is not a wedding dress," John said from the couch.

"Who are you?" Masako demanded.

"I'm John Black," he said.

Masako's face lit up. "Jack Black? I didn't know Jack Black was coming to our show!" Masako scurried over to him and sat down beside him on the couch. "I am such a huge fan of yours!"

"No," Mai said, "Not Jack Black, _John_ Black."

Masako wrinkled her nose. "Who?"

John tipped his nose up in an offended way.

"Mai," Naru said, bringing her back to his attention. "I forgot what my next line is."

"Um," she said, looking down at the script that was on the coffee table. "You don't have one; I just suddenly get mad at you for no reason and stalk off to the kitchen to fume. And you stand there looking like the whole world is set on your shoulders."

"All right. Ready."

Mat stamped her foot. "Naru, why do you have to be such a narcissist jerk? I hate you and I never want to see you again!"

Naru dramatically tilted his head, feeling the artificial wind rush through his hair. "That's okay. I'm used to pushing people away. Especially people like you."

"Oh," Lin said, bringing the handkerchief to his eyes. "Please don't say that you two. It makes me so emotional to watch young lovers quarrel."

"Lin," Naru hissed at him.

"Oh, right." Lin ducked his head and started writing on the notepad even faster, so fast that dust seemed to fly up from the disintegrating pencil.

Mai ran to the kitchen, but there was no teakettle there that she could come and cry to, anymore.

 


	3. Take: Three

There was a couple that worked together very well on this show. They had been married for five years, and had three kids. They were one of those rare relationships were no arguments were exchanged. Ever. They were a miracle couple.

And their names were Houshou Takigawa and Ayako Matsuzaki (she keeps her maiden name for the show-life). More normally known as Monk and Ayako.

"Mai!" Naru yelled from behind the door of his overly-bright office. "I'm thirsty!"

Sunglasses in place, Mai entered the eye-ball burning room. "And what would you like to quench your thirst, Boss?"

He put his chin in his hand, as if he was thinking deeply, which Mai doubted.

"Eggnog," he finally decided. "Step on it."

Mai was hoping that the last line had been a figure of speech, since she was pretty sure that he didn't want her to actually step on it.

In the kitchen, she expected to find eggnog in the fridge, as that was normally how it happened. But there was nothing there.

She ran back to Naru's office, putting the sunglasses on as she went.

"Naru," she said, "We don't have any eggnog."

He looked befuddled. "Well, why not?"

"Because it's not in season!"

"Mai," Naru said, his voice holding a tone of deadliness to it. "I want eggnog."

Without a further word, Mai exited the office.

"What do I do?" Mai said to herself, because that seemed like a good thing to do. "I've never made eggnog before."

On cue, the door opened, and Ayako waltzed in. She had her hair done up in a complicated way, and was wearing a knee-length gray skirt and white blouse.

The producers had decided that Ayako's character had become too generic, so to switch it up a bit, they were having Ayako playing different parts of her personality, trying to find something 'refreshing'.

Today, it was Mother Ayako.

"What is it, honey?" She said in a soothing voice, taking Mai into her arms when the younger girl ran up to her.

"It's terrible!" Mai said to her in sobbing tones. "I don't know how to make eggnog! I don't even know if you're supposed to cook it!"

"Well, no, Mai, sweetie. It would be more like custard if you were to cook it."

"Gah! You see? It is awful! I don't know how to make anything other than tea!" She buried her head in Mother Ayako's shirt. "I'll never make a good wife!"

Mother Ayako patted Mai's head. "Don't worry; just let me call my lovely husband. He'll be able to pick some up fo—"

"Ayako," Mai hissed from between her teeth. "He's _not_ your husband on the show. Quit being sweetie with him all the time. It's creepy."

Mother Ayako pouted. "But how can I be mad at my lovely husband?"

And then, the 'lovely husband' Monk walked through the door. He had his hair slicked back, and all his earrings were gone. He was wearing a crisp black suit and white shirt, with a perfectly straight tie.

John entered with him, to compact as much as the producers could into the half-hour show. John was wearing all blue. Blue shirt, blue jeans, blue shoes, blue hair.

Mai raised her eyebrows at him. "I don't remember this being in the script."

"I'm John Blue," he said, rubbing his eyes with his fist, as if he had been crying. "Boohoo, hoo…"

Naru suddenly burst out of his office. "What are you all doing here? Is there some party that I wasn't invited to?"

"I don't party," Mister Monk said. He was very strict in everything he would do, and if he did something, there had to be a logical reason behind it. In fact, it sometimes drove Mai nuts to be around him too long.

John started to weep for no reason.

"Mother Ayako," Mai said, trying to snap Mother Ayako from her dreamy stares towards Mister Monk. "You need to teach me to cook, remember? I need to become a good wife."

"You? Wife?" Naru said. "I'm sorry, but you're not my type."

And then, just because the producers needed to put her in the show somewhere, Masako walked in. She was wearing short-shorts and a tight, dark blue tank top. She was chewing a big wad of gum, apparently to match the type of persona she was being.

"Wardrobe malfunction again?" Mister Monk asked. Masako nodded, looking not strong enough to speak. "I'll have to fix that," he continued, pulling out his cell phone.

Being the perfect business man he was, Mister Monk actually had, like, five cell phones on him, and a landline, somewhere. He was using a normal looking cell, today. It showed what type of agent he was for that person judging on the cell phone he used for them.

Naru pointed to Masako. "My type."

He leaned forward until he could whisper into Mai's ear. "And you want to know why? It's because her shirt matches my eyes."

Mai pushed Naru away.

And then, John burst into another round of loud sobs.

"What _are_ you crying about?" Mister Monk said, irritated.

"I don't know," John said, "It is all just so sad…"

And then Lin walked in. "What going on? Who's having a dramatic scene? There's nothing good on TV."

Lin sat down on the couch, holding a bowl of sugar. He slowly ate it spoonful after spoonful.

John just kept crying.

"What are you doing?" Mother Ayako scoffed, "That is not good for you to eat for breakfast."

"But… but it helps calms my nerves."

"Where's your computer?" Mister Monk asked.

Lin dropped the bowl of sugar, the contents falling all around his feet in a puddle of white sand. He pulled out his handkerchief and started to blot at his eyes.

"Why does everybody always ask me that?" Lin said.

"I know, it makes me so sad for you," John said, the tears flowing freely.

"And I feel so sad that they keep messing up your name in the script!" Lin cried.

John sat down next to Lin on the couch, and they started to tell each other depressing story after depressing story. It was kind of… depressing.

"Mai, eggnog?" Naru said, folding his arms.

Mai took the opportunity to run to the kitchen. She shut and locked the door behind her, reveling in the silence.

She loved this kitchen. It held everything. Five marble counters, a beautiful stove, a huge refrigerator, and cabinets covered the walls. It was amazing that something like this fit into the little apartment that was called SPR.

She had locked Ayako, her only hope, on the other side of this door. How will she ever figure out how to make eggnog…?

Mai went to the fridge, looking for some comfort food.

And there in the fridge, was a little carton of eggnog, with a sticky-note attached to it: _Sorry it's late._

Apparently Naru would get his eggnog after all.

Screw him, Mai thought, and she took the carton and started to drink from it.


	4. Take: Four

Naru, Mai, and Lin were all sitting on the park bench, appropriately placed in the park. Naru was sitting on one side of the bench and had his arms folded and was scowling in general. Lin was sitting on the other side and was furiously scribbling on his beloved notebook, that everybody was beginning not to question.

Mai was sitting in the middle of the two, with her hands clasped in her lap and kicking her feet.

It was chilly outside, and the park was deserted, because it was calling for a chance of rain. Lin said that the weather page said so; everyone had been too scared to ask him what he was doing with a computer.

Naru had his legs folded one over the other. "I'm bored," he said. "And it's dark out here."

Mai was beginning to think that all of his lamps were starting to ruin his vision.

The reason that they were in the park was not because of a picnic, or because they were dealing with a ghost.

Oh no. It was because they had been evicted from the SPR office, because 'the other people' had taken the set away from the producers, who were trying in vain to get it back.

"Can't I go home?" Mai said.

"I'm not paying you if you go home now," Naru said.

"But I'm not doing anything anyway! Besides, you don't actually pay me at all."

"Amuse me, then."

Mai growled under her breath.

The only sound between the two was the noise from Lin's pencil.

"Naru," she said, "I used to think that you acted like Mr. Rochester from Jane Eyre. But now that I've finished the book, I've decided that you act more like St. John Rivers."

He narrowed his eyes at her before he spoke. "Why do you think I chase after you? Why? Because you would make a good companion for me. A good asset. That's all you are with your psychic powers and all. I want you to marry me and then come to the North Pole with me, to deal with a ghost up there."

Mai had physically moved away from him to get closer to Lin.

"If I had to," St. Naru continued, "I'm sure that I could 'maybe' fall in love with you. But don't count on it. I'm only doing this because it would do the world a great deed."

"Lin," Mai said, "I hadn't realized that Naru had read Jane Eyre."

"He hasn't," Lin said.

"Oh." Apparently some people's characters were one in the same.

"Mai! Mai!" She heard her name being called from behind them. She twisted around in the bench to see Yasu running up to them, conveniently placed in the forest, waving in greeting.

"Yasu! It's so nice to see you," Mai said.

"Are you Mr. Rochester?" Naru said, looking over at Yasu.

"Not last time I checked," Yasu said.

Naru frowned, turned back around, looking straight in front of him – you could see the SPR office set from here.

"Yasu, I've really been thinking," Mai said.

"Of how to admit your undying love to me?" Yasu asked. "Because that's all that I want to hear."

"Well, no. I was reading on the computer –"

"Don't say that word!" Lin snapped, turning to glare at her with a fiery look in his eye.

Mai shrunk back a bit from him.

"Lin," Yasu said, causing trouble, "Where's your computer?"

Lin stood up abruptly and walked all the way across the park square to the bench on the other side. He started writing on his notebook again.

"What does he write in that notebook, anyway?" Mai questioned. "I think it's a diary or something…"

"No, it's not," Yasu said. "He does scanlations for manga translation sites. You know, the places that translate them for free?"

Mai put her hand to her mouth. "Wow, I didn't know he would do something like that."

"Oh, yes. He translates them to many languages. French, Italian, German, Russian, you name it. But not English, he doesn't do English very well. That's why he doesn't speak much. And he doesn't upload them to the web – somebody else has to do that for him."

"Why do you know this?"

Yasu smiled, "It's things that I must know about people. Call it a pet peeve of mine."

"Ah. Anyway, I was saying earlier that I read on the computer—"

"—Don't say that word!—" Lin shouted from the other side of the park.

"—I read on the _web_ that meganes are normally scheming and sly people." She raised her eyebrows. "You don't really fit that description, you know?"

"Oh, but Mai, you don't know. I can be quite wicked, cunning and sly." Yasu winked, "You have no idea what I'm planning behind this innocent show."

Mai looked over at Naru, "Do you know?"

"I'm not talking to you until you answer me about the marriage thing," St. Naru said.

"What are you planning?" she finally asked Yasu.

Yasu puffed his chest out and pointed to the sky. "The powerful background planning of becoming the Main Male Love Interest!"

"You can have her," St. Naru said. "She's a lousy female partner, anyway."

Yasu blinked, because he knows that somehow his great revelation had been shattered.

Yasu stomped his foot. "Then quit getting in my way already! Whatever I do, you _always_ seem to be there and you _always_ save her before I can! Even after my perfectly concocted rescue plans!"

St. Naru gave him an 'I don't care' look. "Why _are_ you still talking to The Great One?"

Yasu narrowed his eyes. "Don't you think that you can compete with a full-out megane's personality."

St. Naru flicked his hair, giving him a full-blown drop-dead dramatic appearance. He was wearing the look that had all his fangirls swooning. It suddenly started to rain – right over St. Naru. It was like he had his personal storm cloud, raining fat little drops onto him until he was soaked. But he still pulled off the weight-of-the-world-is-on-my-shoulders look.

Yasu looked like he was steaming. Whatever it took, he would become the Main Male Love Interest.

For some reason, Mai felt that she had started a war.

 


	5. Behind the Scenes – Yasu Explains All

Let it first be said, that I was supposed to be the Main Male Love Interest. That is what my agent told me, and I would never have agreed to something like this otherwise.

Of course, I started having my suspicions about me being the Main Male Love Interest when I did not come in on the first episode. No, I came in so far back I don't even remember which episode it was.

I was very upset about all of this; because it was obvious I had been lied to. So then, it dawned on me that I had to start thinking up plans on _how_ to become the Main Male Love Interest, instead of complaining that I was _not_ the Main Male Love Interest.

Here are some of the highlights. My first few attempts were rusty, I will admit, but the real problem was that Naru always seemed to come in whenever I was about to save her. It was horrid. It almost appeared that the producers were feeding off of my tactics to get the two Main Characters together. It was infuriating. I was ready to push Naru into a lake.

**Attempt # 1: Lin to the Rescue**

Let me first explain that I've been in the background since the very beginning. And I mean the very beginning. In fact, I pushed that bookcase onto Mai, because then I could have saved her from it, then I would have been in the show from the beginning and would be able to compete as the Main Male Love Interest.

But as it all turns out, moving around a bookshelf quickly is _hard_.

At least it wasn't Naru that had saved her; it had been Lin, which actually isn't that comforting.

At least they were both ticked off at her, which doesn't help matters in love.

**Attempt # 2: Falling for You**

I had tipped the person to push Mai off the stairs, but instead, they pushed Masako down the stairs. I was so exasperated. How could you do something like that? I don't care if their names both start with 'M', they look nothing alike! Who would fall for Masako, anyway?

I had been waiting at the bottom of the stairs to catch Mai, but when I saw Masako falling down them, I moved out of the way, of course.

**Attempt # 5: Dolls are Eerie**

I was going to rescue Mai from the well after the ghost dragged her down, but in the end, I was too freaked to go into the house where the head-of-the-house was a doll.

**Attempt # 9: The Blue-Eyed Sewer Rat**

I had paid Kai Ubusuna to put Mai's name on a hitogata. She really hadn't wanted to; she kept talking about what a sweet girl she had been.

I was going to save her after that ghost had pulled her down the sewer. I was going to pull her out. What I had not been expecting (as always) was that Naru would find her _as_ she was falling and fall down with her.

It's so aggravating. I wanted to put the sewer lid back into place when they were down there.

**Attempt # 17:** **I** _ **Finally**_ **Come In**

The worst part of it all was the lines they had me saying to Takigawa.

**Attempt # 32: I Drop the Ceiling onto Mai**

Yes, I admit it. I paid that ghost (I didn't know what it would do with the money…) to make the ceiling collapse over Mai while she was in the doctor's office.

I was going to save her – I truly was – but there was that slight split-second of terror. I assure you that you would have experienced the same thing.

So while I was (for the moment) petrified, Naru went to her rescue and saved her from the ceiling. Being in the spot that I had wanted to be in.

**Attempt # 55: I'm Losing My Grip**

It was never executed properly. At the end of the Forbidden Pastime, the first case that involved me, he had to go and give her a dazzling smile that left her heart all aflutter.

I hated him more than he would ever know.

**Attempt # 81: Madoka & Me**

I was going to protect her through this whole case; but then it somehow got into the producers' heads that I should go off with Madoka because I should be too scared to be on this case for too long.

I did not appreciate their sympathy.

**Attempt # 105: Tea Time**

Then Naru even got to give her tea after her nightmare. They had _promised_ me that I was going to do that part! Somebody call my agent!

**Attempt # 112: Dracula**

I was going to save her from Urado. I mean, I had it all planned out. But didn't you see that guy? He was terrifying! But, you know, it helped that Naru didn't _directly_ save her either. He was too busy looking for Masako, for some reason.

**Attempt # 300: Don't Ask**

It's not worth mentioning. It's too sad.

**Attempt # 451: Too Busy With Life**

I wasn't there half of the time, and then I was busy the other half.

But since Naru was knocked-out the whole time, I felt there was no competition.

**Attempt # 483: The Shock of a Lifetime**

I had tipped those kids to give her a good scare, but she managed to take care of herself.

It was shocking.

**Attempt # 2,005: The Un-Aired Files**

I'm not really allowed to tell you about this one, which is okay with me since apparently I had been wandering around looking for people that were already there. But I hadn't been the only one!

 

Mai turned off the TV after watching Yasu's interview.

She had never known he felt that way.

 


	6. Now Showing: The Fractured Fairytale

 

 

 

**Once Upon a Time, there was a narcissist prince. He was very full of himself, and didn't care very much about what happened outside his castle. The whole kingdom had affectionately nicknamed him 'Naru'.**

**But it was all about to change, because he needed to pick a princess to marry, if he was ever going to live again.**

__

Naru suddenly stood up straighter from looking out of his window in his room in the tallest tower, from hearing the Narrator say that last line. "What do you mean, 'if he ever wanted to live again'? I'm living now, and I don't see how a girl is going to make me live any better."

 

**…Either you're naïve, or just stupid, but it is not my job to decide which.**

**Anyway, the King was growing old, and the time for his son to step up was a crucial time. But his son obviously didn't care very much, so they were relying on a princess to practically take care of the throne by tugging the strings on the prince's back.**

"Excuse me?" Naru demanded, cutting off the Narrator again. "What do you mean? I'm perfectly capable of taking care of this throne without the help of an obnoxious brunette."

 

… **But if the prince chose not to marry, the kingdom would have to execute him. Taking away his head, because it was the very thing that kept him from getting married.**

 

Naru's mouth had fallen open. "No one told me about that."

 

**So thank me, because everyone else apparently wanted to keep you in the dark for some 'reason'.**

**Now, in the forest was a young maiden—**

 

"Hey, wait!" Naru shouted up at the sky. "I'm not done with my scene yet!'

 

**I'm changing the view.**

 

"No! Don't cut me of—"

 

* * *

 

A young maiden name Mai strolled around the forest, her home not far from her, which was also, appropriately, in the forest. She was gathering berries for her mother and father. Her mother would use them as healing medicine; her father would just eat them.

 

**But unknown to the young maiden, was that she was actually a stolen princess.**

 

Mai stood up from her picking-berries-stoop. "That really gave away the plot."

 

**Well, you're not supposed to be listening to me.**

 

"I can't help it. You're so loud."

 

***SIGH***

**Moving on. Back at the little cottage that the young maiden /stolen princess Mai called home, her mother rushed out to help her carry the berries inside…**

 

"Shoo! Shoo!" Doctor Ayako said, waving her hands around to get the birds away from her daughter. They had this extremely weird attraction to her…

Doctor Ayako picked up the other basket that Mai had had been carrying in the crook of her elbow.

"I wish you wouldn't shoo them off, mother, they are such sweet beings," Mai said dreamily, watching the birds fly off.

"They can carry diseases. That's that."

Mai sighed. Her mother was quite worried about all that, which happened to make her a very good doctor. If people could find her in the middle of the woods before they died.

Her father was sitting at the table inside, along with a guest. Ah, it appeared that Father Pink had decided to visit them.

"Good morning, Mai," Father John Pink said. "It is good to see you this bright morning." Despite his name, his robes were black.

Her father, who was jokingly nicknamed 'Monk', just because it seemed to irk Father Pink. He had long dirty blonde hair and was carving away at a block of wood, making small miniature carvings of animals.

Doctor Ayako walked away with the baskets of berries, planning to wash away any thing that might resemble a germ.

 

**Mai lived a very peaceful life in the cottage, but all that was going to change with the next words…**

 

"What was that?" Mai said.

 

**No, not those words…**

 

"Mai, did you hear that the prince was looking for suitors?" Her father asked.

"Yes, but I'm not a princess," Mai said, lying about the princess thing, since she figured she shouldn't know yet.

Everyone went very silent. Doctor Ayako appeared in the doorway.

"Mai, there is something that we've been meaning to tell you for a long time…you are a princess, you were placed here to keep you safe from the Evil Overlord."

"Oh, really," Mai said, playing with one of the animal carvings that her father had already completed.

"What do you mean? Aren't you surprised?" Father Pink asked.

"Well, I've had a slight inkling for the past fifteen minutes…" she said.

 

**It was true. Young princess Mai had been hidden away in the forest to keep herself from the prophecy that said the Evil Overlord would come after her in fifteen years. She was now sixteen, so it was assumed that the danger had passed.**

 

"Thank you for explaining it," Monk mumbled.

 

**You're welcome.**

 

"But," Mai said, flustered, "However will I meet the dashing prince?"

"You need to get to the ball tonight; it is your only hope."

Mai looked down at her slightly ragged white dress. "I'll try."

 

* * *

 

Naru was still at his position by the window, contemplating how terrible life would be for people if he wasn't here.

The door opened behind him, and then his sister came in, who went by the name Masako. She was wearing a purple kimono, and looked really out of place.

"Brother," Masako said, "Are you ready to attend the ball tonight?"

Naru sighed. "I don't know. I don't think she'll be at the ball. I can feel her, my other half, but I don't know where she is or where to look."

 

**In fact, he could see the forest that she lived in from his window.**

 

Naru ignored the Narrator this time. "But it is no use. If I lose my head tomorrow, sister, would you be able to move on?"

"Probably."

 

* * *

 

**And somewhere, far, far away…**

 

"This plan will work," Evil Overlord Yasu said. "See, if you just wait a year, people lose all suspicion. Fools." He said this to his Evil Henchman, who had a hood over his face, but this only meant that you should remember this guy later on.

"What was the plan again?" the Henchman asked.

Yasu sighed, tugging at the eye patch that was given to him, because someone thought it would make him look more evil. "To capture Mai! Because she belongs to me, not to the Narcissist fool!"

"Oh, yeah," the Henchman said.

"Fool!"

 

**And as the plan unfolded to claim Mai for his own—**

 

"Shut up, you fool! You'll give the plan away!" Yasu shouted out of his window.

 

**Hey, I'm just doing my job—**

 

"Then do it elsewhere, fool!"

 

"What's wrong?" Naru said to the voice in the sky. Masako was at his elbow.

 

**Nothing is wrong. Just some co-stars are harder to work with.**

**As I was saying—**

 

"No! Quiet, fool!" Yasu kept shouting, waving his arms around. "No, no, no!"

 

"Can't you just knock him out of his tower, Oh Mighty God?" Asked Monk, still chipping away at the wood in his hand.

 

**No, I cannot. And I'm not God—**

 

"Can you just say 'die', and he'll die?" Mai asked casually.

There was silence as the thoughts set in.

 

"No, fool, don't do that!" Yasu said, "You'll ruin the plot if you kill me!" He pushed his Henchman in front of him. "Kill this fool!"

 

"Who are you?" Naru snapped at the Henchman. "You're probably the cause behind this, you Evil Mastermind!"

 

"Excuse me?" Yasu said. "I'm the Evil Overlord _and_ the Evil Mastermind."

There was an evil chuckle from the Henchman. "Only you could have found me out, brother."

The Henchman threw his hood off to show off the likeness of Naru. His smile was just as cocky.

 

"No! It can't be!" Naru said, "You died!"

 

"It was all a lie, my dear brother. A lie that you were stupid enough to fall for."

 

"Nooooooooooooooooooo!"

 

Eugene let out another evil laugh that left Yasu cowering in the corner.

 

**All right, that's IT. If YOU GUYS want to tell the story on your own, be my GUEST. I QUIT.**

 

And thus the Narrator left. Naru was beheaded, Mai was left in the forest to become an old maid, Evil Overlord Yasu and Evil Mastermind Gene never got anywhere, because they didn't know where Mai lived.

All because Lin the Narrator left (being neglected like he always was) and the characters didn't know what the other characters were doing anymore.

The End.

 


	7. Take: Seven

Mai burst into the office, being very off-script since she happened to arrive on time. She was holding a piece of paper with medical words and phrases written all over it. She was very pale.

"Naru!" She called out to him and she started to bang her fist on his office door. "Something terrible is happening!"

Naru peeked out of his door, and Mai had to shield her eyes from the light pouring out of the room.

Mai started to sob. "It's awful! So awful! So, very, very awful!"

Naru impatiently waited for her to cry it out. He didn't allow her to touch him, because she might get tear-stains on his clothes.

"So, very, very, very, very, very awful! So, very, very, very, very, very, very awful!"

"All right, enough! I get the point."

Mai gave him a cocky smile through her tears. He lost the bet of how long he could listen to her whine. That was fifty bucks for her.

"What is wrong?" Naru asked, sounding very monotonous. As if he had just been reading his script in his office, which he probably had been.

Mai shoved the paper in front of his face.

Naru took it from her and looked it over.

It was about five minutes before he said, "None of this makes sense."

Mai promptly burst into tears. "It's the new disease going around, and Naru…" Mai dropped her eyes. "I think I have it."

Before Naru could respond, Mr. Monk came into the office carrying John. But honestly, John looked fine.

"Naru, it's terrible," Mr. Monk said. "That new disease got John."

Mai covered her mouth and started to cry profusely.

Mr. Monk set John on his feet while Naru strolled over. He poked John on the forehead, and he almost fell over.

"Why, he's turned into cardboard!" Naru said, turning John sideways. Their priest had indeed turned into cardboard. Like one of those cardboard cut-outs you see at movie theaters.

There were words written on the back of John's head: **John Brown – Deliver to Ghost Hunt Set.**

"Poor John," Naru said as he set him by the wall, where he continued to smile like he always does. "They finally got his name right."

"It's the terrible Cardboard Character Disease. It struck John first," Mr. Monk said. "May he rest in peace." He bowed his head in respect, but he was cut off by his cell phone ringing, and he immediately headed off to the kitchen to answer it.

Naru was still staring at Cardboard John, until he finally said, "There's no difference to him. I never realized that John was such a flat character."

"You didn't?" Mai asked, "He always seemed flat to me. He doesn't even have a back story."

"Mai, you don't always need a back story to be a full-rounded character..."

"I know, but it sure does help sometimes."

"But the question is," Naru said, picking up John and proceeding to stick him in the closet, "Is that which one of us will catch it next?"

Mai's eyes got wide.

And on cue, Masako and Loud-and-Obnoxious Ayako entered.

Masako was wearing jeans and sandals, and a plain white T-shirt. Loud-and-Obnoxious Ayako was yelling at the dust that was settling on her jacket.

Mai leaned closer to Naru, "Which one do you think is more of a flat character?"

"I'm thinking Masako."

"Wanna bet?"

Naru's eyes narrowed. "Absolutely. I'm never wrong."

"What are you guys whispering about!" Loud-and-Obnoxious Ayako yelled in their faces.

"Nothing, Ayako," Mai said, trying to smile, but honestly, the scowl that Ayako was wearing scared her. Mai felt more content hiding behind Naru.

Loud-and-Obnoxious Ayako suddenly straightened, "Where is my lovely husband!" she shouted.

"I'm on the phone, honey," Mr. Monk said from the kitchen.

Loud-and-Obnoxious Ayako strutted to the sound of his voice.

"Has anyone seen John today?" Masako asked once Loud-and-Obnoxious Ayako had left.

Mai slipped a glance at Naru while Naru gave a look at the closet.

Just as Masako turned to look at the closet, Mr. Monk started to yell from the kitchen. Masako ran to the adjoining room, but Mai and Naru didn't have to move to know what had happened to Loud-and-Obnoxious Ayako. In some ways, they were thankful.

"I win," Mai said to Naru.

"Damn it."

The door to Lin's office opened a crack, and he peeked through the sliver it offered him. "What's going on out there?" He asked, with a timid note to his voice.

Naru sighed, "Do you think Lin is a flat character?" he asked Mai.

She shrugged her shoulders, "I don't know – he doesn't speak to me enough for me to know."

"And when you don't speak to the Main Female Love Interest…" Naru said, letting the hesitation stretch, "You have more chance of catching the Cardboard Disease."

"I am _not_ the Main Female Love Interest! I _am_ the Main Character!" Mai said, stomping her foot.

"No, you're not."

"Yes, I am."

Lin had started shaking and tears were glistening in his eyes. He slammed the door, and Mai heard him lock it.

Masako and Mr. Monk came from the kitchen, Mr. Monk carrying the Cardboard Ayako, who was wearing a scowl that would be forever frozen on her features.

Masako was crying. "This is terrible. What are we going to do?"

Mr. Monk set Loud-and-Obnoxious-Cardboard Ayako by the wall. He pulled out a handkerchief from his breast pocket, which had an 'M' embroidered into the fabric. He dabbed at his eyes with it.

"Mai," Naru said.

"Yes? Can I help you?"

"Go get me a drink. I want…lemonade."

"You can't have lemonade," Mai hissed at him underneath her breath. "You had a citrus drink in the first shooting."

"Fine, fine, fine. Coffee. Black."

"Roger that," Mai said, heading for the kitchen. She found a big, white mug which was filled with the strong drink, steam rising from its surface. She was pleased she never actually had to _prepare_ one of these drinks. What kind of life would that be?

When Mai got back to the main room with the coffee mug, Naru was standing amidst the Cardboard people.

"What did you do?" Mai gasped as she handed Naru the coffee. He stared at it as if wondering if he was really supposed to drink it.

"I don't know," Naru said, "I turned around and then suddenly they were both cardboard. I think Masako went first, though. She was a tad less of a character than Takigawa."

Mai sighed. "So I guess that we're the only two left?'

"Three left. Lin is still hiding in the office."

Lin gave a squeak as if he were listening to them through the keyhole.

"And there's Yasu…" Mai said.

"Hm. I'm sure that Yasu was probably the one to let the germ loose in this area."

"Yeah. You're probably right."

They both stared at Lin's office door.

"How long do you think until the disease gets to him?" Mai asked, "I say half-an-hour."

"Ah, I'm thinking about an hour," Naru mused.

"Wanna bet?"

"You're on."

Lin was left to cower in his office as Mai and Naru stared at his door like hawks.

 


	8. Take: Eight

"Naru, you're just a self-centered, egotistical, self-absorbed, arrogant, haughty, conceited, vain, selfish, stuck-up, snobby British narcissist!" Mai stomped her foot for good measure.

Naru was leafing through his paperwork while sitting on the couch (he was apparently beginning to feel the effect the light was having on his vision, much to his dismay).

He wasn't surprised as to what Mai said to him. He had heard it all before.

She stuck her tongue out at him.

"Mai," Naru said, "I'm really glad that you've obviously have learned your synonyms. Now, what was it that I asked you to do five minutes ago? The things that I asked you to do that prompted your angry outburst?"

Mai's lips pursed and she narrowed her eyes. "You told me to go get you ice water with a hint of lemon."

"Ah, so you can listen. That's an improvement. Go on now. That's a good girl."

"I hate you, Naru and all your jerky narcissist problems!" Mai spun on her heel and ran to the kitchen.

In the kitchen, she pulled out a cup and put in three lemon water ice cubes into it.

"Stupid Naru," she said, as she waited for the ice cubes to melt, otherwise he would complain that he couldn't taste the hint of lemon. "Why do you have to be such a jerky narcissist?"

A book lay on the table, open. Since she is nosy, she pulled it closer to her and on further examination she saw that it was a dictionary. An _old_ dictionary. Lin must have left it here before he had gone out to buy more notebooks. It could only be Lin's, since Lin was so old.

It was opened to the 'N' section. So Mai moved along so that she could find 'narcissist', so she could properly describe him.

She read the passage quietly to herself.

 

**Narcissism** : _Sexual excitement through admiration of oneself. Self-love; erotic gratification derived from admiration of one's own physical or mental attributes._

 

Mai put the dictionary down and got up to peek around the corner of the kitchen. Naru was still sitting on the couch, doing whatever.

She looked back at the seemingly-innocent dictionary sitting at the table. She did not remember the narcissist passage going like that when she had read it before.

Mai casually crossed the living room to the bookshelf. Naru looked up at her – most likely wondering where his water with a hint of lemon was.

She found the book and read the passage out of the newer dictionary.

 

**Narcissism** : _Inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love._

 

That's it? Mai thought as she shut the book and put it back onto the shelf. That was a whole lot less… unanticipated.

She returned to the kitchen and picked up the water with a hint of lemon, then carried the glass to him.

He took it without a word, but she couldn't help staring at him strangely.

"Is something wrong?" He finally asked, since she was watching him like some perturbed owl.

"No," she said. She had just been really hoping that he was the narcissist from the newer dictionary compared to the old one.

She returned to the kitchen. The dictionary still sat at the table, holding a lot more trouble than she had thought originally. She shut it and pushed it away from her.

Maybe she would have to rethink if she _ever_ wanted to call him a narcissist again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: True story. I have both dictionaries with the very different passages on the same word.


	9. Now Showing: It's a Wonderful... Well, maybe... Life

**CAST** :

 **Mai Taniyama** : **Georgia Bailey**

 **Naru/Kazuya Shibuya/Oliver Davis** : Did Not Appear in this Show

 **Masako Hara** : Did Not Appear in this Show

 **Ayako Matsuzaki** : Did Not Appear in this Show

 **Houshou Takigawa** : Did Not Appear in this Show

And also starring:

 **Osamu Yasuhara** : Did Not Appear in this Show (much to his annoyance).

And also, also starring:

 **John Earl Grey** as … Did Not Appear in this Show

And also, also, also starring:

 **Eugene Davis** as **Gene the Angel**

And also, also, also, also starring:

 **Koujo Lin** as **the Head Angel**

 

* * *

Gene was an Angel that believed he would never get his wings.

It seemed as if whenever a bell would ring, someone else would get their wings. Even if it was the squat angel with warts all over his nose, and, in Gene's opinion, more devil than angel.

But Gene the Angel wasn't in a position to judge, because he did not have his wings.

He was at the same time relieved as he was frustrated. Without his wings, he had a low status. But if he had his wings, he would have to start dealing with the white fluffy things attached to his back, and the halo that came with that.

This was what Gene was thinking of when he was on his way to the main Quarters. He had been summoned, and he was really hoping it wasn't about the 'incident' that had happened this morning… He had thought he had covered that up pretty well.

Lin the Head Angel was sitting at his desk, which was a fluffy white cloud. He was furiously writing down names of people - in his notebook - coming in today and what he should do with them when they got here. Gene silently wished luck to them.

"You called, your Majesty?" Gene said, giving a slight bow. It wasn't necessary, but it _was_ fun.

The Head Angel motioned for him to sit, so Gene scooted over a small step-stool cloud and sat on it while he waited.

Lin the Head Angel put down his quill (probably furbished from his own wing feathers) and gave Gene a long look over. Gene gave an innocent smile, praying that the 'incident' didn't come up.

"Gene," the Head Angel finally said, "How do you feel about getting your wings soon?"

Well, Gene had mixed feelings about that.

He continued to smile. "I would like that very much, sir."

"Good. You have gone far and I believe you are finally getting your chance."

Gene was silent as the Head Angel set up the tape, and then plugged it into the cloud. The front of the cloud went blurry, and then a crisp image appeared in its fluffy folds.

"Now," the Head Angel said, "Do you know who this is?"

Of _course_ Gene knew who it was.

It was the reason he was here in the first place.

"My dear brother," Gene said with affectionate venom.

The Head Angel looked at the cloud and then said, "I'm sorry, that's the wrong tape." He rummaged around his desk and then popped a different tape in. "Here we are."

On the screen was a picture of a short brunette girl, who was holding the arm of his 'dear brother'.

And here Gene thought he wouldn't have to deal with his 'dear brother'.

"Now," the Head Angel said, "Little miss Georgia Bailey has made a serious wish – she wishes that she has never been born."

Gene nodded understandably. "I would, too, if I were married to him."

"Gene, please stay on track."

"Yes, sir."

"Now, first, I want you to get to know her, so you feel you have more reason to be her salvation. Now listen closely –"

The Head Angel was cut off by Gene raising his hand into the air. The Head Angel sighed, "Do you have a question, Gene?"

"Well, I just wanted to say that I did grow up with her, and so I'm pretty sure that I know her past and her 'dear husband'."

"Ah, that is right. I remember the day that you came in clearly, now."

Gene remembered that day clearly, too. His dear brother, Oliver, had shoved him into a freezing lake, just because Oliver had wanted the girl, Georgia.

Gene had arrived at Heaven in a few minutes, sopping wet and cold.

"Damn him," Gene said, "He _better_ end up in Hell for that. I'll personally escort him to Hell for that."

"Gene, watch your mouth."

"Yes, sir."

"Are you ready to depart?"

Gene nodded and then wiped his forehead, "and here I thought I was coming here because of this morning."

The Head Angel's eyebrows crinkled, "What happened this morning?"

"So, I'm leaving, like, _now_."

 

When Gene finally arrived and found Georgia, she was sitting on a park bench. She looked fine in his opinion.

He sat down beside her and she turned to look at him, her eyes going wide.

"You're supposed to be dead!" She shouted at him.

"I am dead," Gene said, "But I'm here as your angel to sort your life out, to make you appreciate everything you have, because if you had never been born, the people around you would have been—" Gene had to stop and considered the matter, because the more he looked into his installed GPS of people's future lives and what would happen if you took them out of the life.

He looked at her strangely. "You know, it doesn't look like anyone would be affected if you weren't there."

"That's not fair," she pouted, and then she said, " _You'll_ be affected."

"Why would _I_ be affected? I would still be here if it weren't for you, because then your husband wouldn't have pushed me into a lake."

She leaned away, "I thought you _were_ my husband."

Gene had to wonder if he was going to be seeing his dear brother in heaven very soon.

"So, what?" Gene said, "You don't care if you've never been born anymore?"

"Oh, no. I had just had a bad moment and had been letting out my frustrations." She shrugged. "I saw it in a movie once."

"I'm sure you have," Gene said, feeling that there wasn't that much more to do here.

"Well, I have to go make dinner for my four lovely little children, and my miser of a husband. And the cat. So, it was nice to get a visit from you, Gene." She waved as she walked away.

Gene the Angel sat there and did nothing. A small little black raincloud formed over his head and started to snow, rain, and hail on him simultaneously. A tiny lightning streak lit up the little dark cloud.

"Hey, it's not my fault," Gene declared, trying to make the cloud dissipate by waving his hands through it. "Don't yell at me."

So thus, Gene was still an Angel that believed he would never get his wings.

But that was okay, since he had mixed feelings on the matter, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, I want to say that I certainly do not believe that Naru killed Gene (I would REALLY like to know who did, though). But for this story's sake, it seemed to work…


	10. Take: Ten

**BREAKING NEWS** : _Due to the poor sales the recent movie "It's a Wonderful Life" made on its opening weekend, the producers of the popular Ghost Hunt series, Jack Peterson, Lucas George, and Stephanie Hardwicke, have decided to fire the Ghost Hunt cast._

 

The new cast had been chosen, and there was to be a test audition today. The three big star directors/producers, sat at the their little fold out table, dramatically sipping at the water, or sometimes staring into the cup, as if it held the reason for why the Ghost Hunt show's production had been going down recently. They had sheets in front of them that held the information of the actor or actress and what show or movie they had made their debut appearance in.

As they were waiting for the actors and actresses to get dressed and in character, Yasu came up to them, holding a script in his hand.

"Now," Yasu said to them, "Let me get this straight. I was not fired?"

Lucas George shook his head. "Well, we figured that you were such a minor character, that no one would even notice if you hadn't been changed."

Yasu let the script fall to his side. "I see," he said with a smile.

Even with just his simple reply, the three producers felt that all of Hell was going to be unleashed upon them if they said anything else.

The producers turned back to the make-shift stage as the first actor came on and sat at his desk. He had white hair and had a very stern, unhappy look on his face, which was probably why he was chosen. Hopefully no one would notice the hair color change.

They all peeked at their info sheets:

_ZERO KIRYU: Made his debut appearance in the dark romance 'Vampire Knight', as the Not Quite the Main Love Interest. Where his twin also died._

"Mai," Zero said, steepling his fingers together. "Bring me tea."

"Oh, Zero?" Mr. Jack Peterson said, "We're not doing the tea thing, anymore."

Zero gave him a grumpy look.

The next actress skittered onto the stage. She had shoulder-length pink hair and big eyes. She wore a school outfit and had an overall bouncy look to her.

_AMU HINAMORI: The main star actress from the recently finished inspiring comedy 'Shugo Chara!'._

She stood stiffly before Zero. "What would you like to drink, Boss?"

"I don't care," Zero said.

"Oh, well, uh, how about I just make the regular then?"

"I don't care," Zero said again.

Lucas George gave his fellow producers a worried look. Jack Peterson rolled his eyes, and Stephanie Hardwicke said, "I think they're doing perfectly."

And then Monk walked in, or, more correctly speaking –

_TAMAKI SUOH: Who hit the media world with a bang with his gorgeous looks more than his talents. The leading male role in the long running TV comedy 'Ouran High School Host Club'._

He had glossy blonde hair and blue eyes, and he strutted around the stage as if he was taking over as the Main Love Interest. The producers silently thought about Yasu and his smile from Hell.

"Oh, dear Mai, please don't stress yourself over such minor chores," Tamaki said, "I will make our Boss tea." Tamaki pointed at Zero to unnecessarily punctuate his speech. The producers couldn't tell if it was the light or if he was actually sparkling.

"I don't care who makes me tea," Zero said, "just as long as I get tea."

"Um, Zero," Jack Peterson said into his microphone.

Zero slammed his fist on the desk. "What?"

"Well, you're supposed to care. You only want Mai to make you tea."

Zero glared at a suddenly nervous Amu. "Well? You heard the man, make me tea."

Tamaki put his hands on his hips. "Now, sir, that is no way to talk to a young lady."

The door opened again and the next person walked onto the stage. He was tall with black hair and long bangs. He had an elegant stride to his walk, and he overall appeared… butler-like.

_SEBASTIAN MICHAELIS: Although he has been in many box office hits and Oscar Award winners, his most recent shows include the dark comedy 'Black Butler' saga, co-starring Ciel Phantomhive._

"I apologize for the wait, master." Sebastian set down the tea cup with grace. "Today for afternoon tea is from what I was able to muster from the cabinets. A slightly bitter green tea sweetened from the refined leaves of the stevia plant."

"But – that's my job," Amu said, shuffling up to the man and trying her best to glare at him, but he was much taller than her.

"Who is he playing as?" Lucas George asked.

"He's replacing Lin," said Jack Peterson.

"Ah. Then I guess he kinda works…"

"I think they sound the same," said Stephanie Hardwicke dreamily.

Before they could process him anymore, the next actress for Ayako walked onto stage.

"All right," said the short woman. She had black, stiff hair where a single thick strand fell on her forehead. She was wearing black robes and had a sword at her hip. "I came directly from my other shoot, and I need to return as soon as I can."

_RUKIA KUCHIKI: Making her debut run in the popular TV series 'Bleach'. A strong female character type, but with a hint of girliness behind it all._

"Why," said Tamaki, "it is so nice to meet you—"

"Don't touch me," Rukia said, "Or I'll cut your foul hands off."

Tamaki paled and he shrunk away from her with tears threatening to overflow from his eyes. Amu patted his shoulder sympathetically.

"How much more do we have to live through?" asked Jack Peterson.

"Um," Lucas George shuffled through his papers. "Can somebody send John in?" he said into his mic.

"I think they're all doing swell," said Stephanie Hardwicke.

_EDWARD ELRIC: He and his brother, Alphonse Elric, are the main stars in the exceedingly popular completed movies 'Fullmetal Alchemist"._

He had blonde hair that he wore in a braid and wore his trademark red jacket. He was about the same height as Amu.

"That's John?" said Lucas George. "He looks nothing like him. And he's so…"

Edward turned around as he sensed the word coming. "What was that? Do you want to have a go with me? I only dare you to say it."

Lucas George bit his bottom lip, and was quiet.

The next actress came in so quickly that she bumped into Edward, who had still been standing close to the door.

"Hey, watch it," she said. She had long brunette hair that was a bit tousled and had some braids intermixed through the tresses. She was wearing a trench coat-like jacket and was eating a doughnut. "I'm only here because my agent told me to be."

_ALICE: Who made her debut in the lesser known show 'Pandora Hearts'. It would be wrong to cross swords with her, as her co-stars have found out._

Lucas George grabbed the sides of his head and attempted to pull his hair out. "What happened to the beautiful Masako?"

Jack Peterson grunted in reply.

"I think she works," said Stephanie Hardwicke.

"What about Gene?" Lucas George continued, "Send in Gene."

He didn't get one, but two Genes. The two gingered hair twins came in, an arm around each other's shoulder.

"Hold on a minute," said Zero, holding his hands up. "We don't even _look_ the same. And there are two of them! Somebody call my brother! He is certainly not busy enough to not help out here. I mean, how much is he even going to be in this show anyway, since he'll be dead?"

_HIKARU and KAORU HITACHIIN: The twins made their breakthrough in the movie industry from the comedy 'Ouran High School Host Club'._

"This is not going to work," Zero said again.

Hikaru pointed to Zero, "What's he doing here? I thought we were both the ones enrolled."

Stephanie Hardwicke sighed. "You know, he kind of sounds like Naru…"

"I'm bored," Edward said randomly.

Tamaki had gone to sit in the corner of the office, since he felt that everyone had forgotten about him.

"ENOUGH." Lucas George threw his arms up, trying to get them all to be quiet. "All right now, where's Yasu?"

The door opened to reveal a very hunched over man with unkempt hair and dark bags underneath his eyes. He was wearing a white T-shirt and blue jeans. Alice backed away from him as if he were diseased.

"What the?" Lucas George said, but he didn't have long to wonder when the actual Yasu waved a paper underneath his nose.

_L: The Sherlock Holmes-like detective that played in the movie 'Death Note'. No other information is available._

Yasu held up another sheet of paper. "And I suggest that you sign this."

 

 **BREAKING NEWS:** _Due to some unveiled threat that the producers would not speak about, the whole Ghost Hunt cast has been rehired._


	11. Take: Eleven

It was a normal day at the SPR office.

A really normal day.

A little _too_ normal.

We zoom in on a scene where Naru and Mai are sitting in the main room. They were sitting across from each other, on dark-blue colored couches that matched Naru's eyes.

And Mr. Monk was placed conveniently in the kitchen, because he was needed in a few scenes.

"You know, Naru," Mai said, as she refilled Naru's waterglass with carrot juice. She had been sitting on the couch with the carafe filling up the cup whenever he had drained it. She honestly didn't know why she got paid. "I have a feeling that something is going to happen today."

"And I'm supposed to care? Why?"

"Because, my ghost-senses are tingling. And you should never ignore my tingling ghost-senses."

Naru grunted in response as he took a drink of carrot juice. Mai could swear that his cheeks were turning a tad orange.

And then (true to Mai's word) it happened.

Mai pointed to some disconnected words floating over Naru's head. They were kind of white and fuzzy, but were coming into clearer focus every few seconds.

"You have words flying over your head," she said, knowing no better way to phrase it.

"Mai, don't be silly." Naru tilted his head up, and, by God, there were words floating over his head.

Naru leapt up and starting waving his hands around, like they were some obnoxious flies.

Mai didn't quite know what to do; the words were scattering around and were getting out of position. She put a hand onto his shoulder, careful that one of his thrashing hands didn't accidentally hit her in the face. "Naru, I think you're making them mad."

The words had, indeed, turned red. And had changed. Some of the words also started to randomly disappear until the sentence was practically unreadable.

Naru suddenly stopped and had a look of great concentration on his face, as if he would figure this all out in a minute (which the script normally allowed him to do).

But instead of a solution, he said, "Do you hear that?"

After he had mentioned it, Mai could hear a distant drumbeat. It seemed to echo all around the room, and there had certainly not been speakers installed this morning.

Naru pointed to a spot above her head. "You have them too!"

"Really?" Mai took off to the little bathroom. The mirror reflected all the words back at her, but they kept being plucked away until the sentence was unreadable.

 

_Maybe - - - - - or - - - - - I - a - - I'm - - - - -_

 

"This is weird," she called back to Naru, who hadn't moved.

"Is something wrong?" Mr. Monk said, emerging from the kitchen at the precise moment. He also had words above his head.

Mai ran from the bathroom, flailing her arms for dramatic emphasis. "This is tragic! We have words above our heads and I keep hearing broken music!"

The music did sound broken. It was like a band that had suddenly lost their bass and guitar player. There wasn't too much left after that besides the beating drums.

"I command you to speak," Naru said, glaring at Mr. Monk, who was toying with an old phone. It must have been an old client.

Mr. Monk sighed. "It's just a test run for the soundtrack for the series. They're trying to find songs that match our personalities, but obviously –" Mr. Monk pointed to the ruined words buzzing around his head, "– the producers can't secure any of the copyright."

"Oh, that's not so bad." Mai wiped her forehead with the back of her hand. "I thought there was something much more serious was going on."

"This is very serious," Mr. Monk mumbled, "The show isn't going to have a soundtrack – there would have been a lot of money to be found there."

Mai wasn't paying attention to Mr. Monk; she was too busy looking at the words above Naru's head. Trying to see if she could figure out what the producers' thought Naru's song was.

 

_Like - - I - - - - - - - - -_

 

But it was very difficult.

"Well, I'm glad that's mostly cleared up." Naru folded his arms. "Mai get me some *bleep*."

Mai turned to look at him, and then raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"I said, get me some *bleep*."

"Hm. I'm sorry, I can't hear you." Mai couldn't help the slightly wicked smile on her face. She held up the carrot juice carafe, pointing at it, but Naru just violently shook his head, and then looked at Mr. Monk for some kind of explanation.

He shrugged. "I don't know; maybe they're losing copyright on words now."

"Is that possible?" Naru asked.

"In the Ghost Hunt franchise, anything is possible."

"That is so *bleep*." Mai's eyes got wide but her smile got wider. "*Bleep* *bleep* *bleep*," she said.

"Mai, please don't play with the bleeper."

"*Bleep* *bleep* *bleep* *bleep*," Mai complained.

"Don't _break_ the bleeper," Mr. Monk said, shaking his head.

"You mean we can't have *bleep* songs?" Naru asked, irritated. "What about, like, 'Happy Birthday'?"

"No, 'Happy Birthday' *bleep* *bleep* copyright issues, too. And why would you want Happy Birthday on this show, anyway?"

"*Bleep* *Bleep*," Mai said.

"This *bleep* obnoxious," Naru said. "I think I'm going to go back *bleep* early."

"It sounds like we're swearing every other word…" Mr. Monk said, rubbing his chin in a thinking matter.

" ***Bleep*** ," Mai said angrily.

"Yes, Mai, we know you are there. But we can't help it when you keep using words that you know are going to be bleeped out," Mr. Monk said.

The words above Mai's head turned a dark red. "*Bleep* *bleep*."

"Monk," Naru said, raising his eyebrows at her as if she were some failed experiment. "I think they're cutting out everything that she's saying."

"*BLEEP*."

"Hey, the song's coming through," Monk said, listening to the hidden speakers play a full song.

"I know this song," Naru said, "It's by—"

And thus, the name of the artist slipped through and they were all sued.

 


	12. The Final Episode

"I can't believe that Ghost Hunt's rating has gone down so drastically. I thought people liked us," Mai said, with an airy smile. Which was never a good thing for her to wear, because then people automatically assumed that she was an air-head.

Mai, Mr. Monk, Big Sister Ayako, Masako, and John Purple were all gathered in the main quarters of the SPR office, waiting for the rest of the group to arrive. For the finale of the series, they would finally go into a haunted house.

Mai crossed her arms and tapped her foot. "I can't believe that they're late." She was wearing a white T-shirt that said Just Be Glad I'm Not a Twin.

Mr. Monk was programming numbers into a phone he had brought this morning for a new client. The phone was mediocre looking, which alerted everyone in the room as to what Mr. Monk thought of the new client. Big Sister Ayako was wearing plain jeans and a button down. Masako was wearing a pale pink sundress and a barrette in her hair.

John looked tired and a little too tanned, but that was only because he was finally coming out of his sickness. The doctors had informed him that the cardboard color might never go away.

He and Masako were sitting side-by-side as they waited for Lin, Naru and Yasu to arrive. They occasionally would look at each other and then blush and look away. Mai stared intently at them after the fifth time they had done it. She could be wrong, but wasn't John, like, a seriously devoted Catholic (and not to mention celibate) priest?

The door finally opened and Naru and Lin walked through the door. Lin was holding a cardboard box full of old notepads and pencils, and Naru; well, looked like a ghost.

"What are you wearing?" Mai said, pointing to him as if her words needed further statement.

Naru's whole suit was pure white.

"My suit got bleached," he said flatly. "Do you have a problem with that?"

Mai quickly shook her head. She noticed that his shoes were pure white, too. She had to wonder if his shoes had been bleached as well, or if he had bought them to match. Just because.

"Are you worthless minions ready to go?" Naru continued, "Where's Yasu?"

"He's not here," Mr. Monk said, "isn't that normal?"

"Whatever. Let's go and finish this."

 

As everyone set up the base, Mai followed Naru around and stared intently at his white-clad back.

"Mai," Naru finally said, "If you insist on gawking at me, I am going to make you color the whole suit black with a Sharpie."

Mai pursed her lips. "Would you have to take off your clothes to allow that?"

"Mai, go do something else."

She stomped her foot. "Fine, you big, stupid… jerk." Mai couldn't make herself call him a narcissist anymore.

She turned on her heel and ran back to where the others were. She started helping move things around, most of time putting them in the wrong places. John had to take frequent breaks, since he was still recovering.

"So, what kind of ghost are we dealing with, Mai?" Big Sister Ayako asked.

"Why am I supposed to know?"

"Well, you went to go ask Naru that didn't you?"

"Oh, yeah. That's why I was following him around." Mai took off back after Naru, who had gone down the hall, trying to act important.

He glared at her when she came back up behind him. "Mai, if you continue, I'll make you color the suit in with a _ballpoint_ _pen_ , and there had better not be a single white sliver left."

"I'll do it if you're going to take your clothes off," she said.

Naru gave her an exasperated look. "What do you want, Mai?"

"You to take your clothes off."

"Mai," Naru hissed under his breath, "aren't you supposed to be following a _script?_ "

"Oh." Mai had temporarily forgotten due to thinking of Naru without any clothes. "Now I remember." She coughed into her hand to clear her throat. "Oh, Ghostly God, what ghost will we be encountering here?"

"I'm sorry to say, but probably your deceased twin."

Mai was taken aback with the response. She looked down at her shirt as if she had incited some taboo. Or perhaps he was just lying to her. "I didn't know I had a twin. What a plot twist."

"I didn't know you had one either. And it'll most likely only target you. Run along now."

Back at base, the others were playing a card game, where they drew cards and read off the questions to one another.

Mai sat down in their little circle, sitting between John and Masako. John was loading a squirt gun with holy water, since it made it easier to hit the ghosts then and he wasted less water.

Big Sister Ayako aimed the next game-question towards her. "'Do you have any secret professions?'"

"Well, I actually do have something to admit," Mai said. "I'm really a very well known singer."

"What a plot twist," John mumbled.

"I'm also a writer," Mai continued brightly.

They all just ignored her for pushing her luck.

"Lin," Masako said to the older man, holding a card, "'are you seriously in love somebody that is too young for you?'"

Lin looked pointedly at Mai. And then he started to cry into his handkerchief.

Masako leaned close to Mai. "He's actually madly in love with you," she said, "And can't bear to be around you, because he knows he's too old, even though he forgets that sometimes."

"Ew!" Mai said.

"What a plot twist!" Mr. Monk said for her.

"Let me read one for you guys," Mai said, reaching for the stack of cards. Big Sister Ayako and Mr. Monk just sighed and shook their heads.

"You see, Mai," Mr. Monk said, "we're not important enough to have major plots twists."

Mai made a perfect O shape with her mouth.

Naru conveniently entered the room at this time. His suit was so white it was almost blinding.

"Ah, Naru!" Mai said, waving him towards the group. "This question is for you: 'have you ever had a girlfriend?" She frowned at the question.

"I have an ex-girlfriend that hates me," Naru said, "As if I really had _any_ social life before I started coming here. Like I had really been old enough to actually have a proper girlfriend."

"What a plot twist," Mai said – grumpily.

They suddenly heard a voice coming from one of the doors. "None of those are major plots twists compared to this one."

The door opened, and Gene walked in. "I'm not really dead."

Everyone gasped and Mai covered her mouth with her hands.

"What a plot twist!" Masako said.

"I thought _my_ twin was the ghost," Mai said.

Naru turned onto Gene furiously. "Why do you always have to try and outdo me, brother?" Naru folded his arms. "Mai, I have something to tell you, too... I don't really have psychic powers."

Mai's hands, which she had lowered, flew back to her mouth. "What a plot twist!"

"Actually, that one isn't very believable," Big Sister Ayako said.

"Shut up. I'm outdoing my brother for once." Naru glared at her.

"You failed," Gene said with a smile.

"I hate you."

"You do?" Mai said, incredulous, "What a plot twist. But then why did you go all the way to Japan to find him?"

"So I could bring him back and kill him again."

"Noll," Gene chided, "That's a bit much for the rating."

"Who's Noll?" Mai asked.

"Mai," Naru said, hints of exasperation in his voice, "We went through this in chapter one."

"Oh, yeah, I remember. What a plot twist." Mai actually did not remember what had happened in chapter one, but she went along with the flow of things.

Everyone got very quiet, since they all couldn't remember what was supposed to be on the script next.

"Oh," Mai said, "I have something to tell you. Naru, I have a boyfriend and I'm getting over you now."

"Unacceptable," Naru said.

"I have a major plot twist for you all!" The door burst open (again), hitting Gene full in the face and probably breaking his nose by the sound of it. Apparently he really wasn't a ghost.

Yasu stood in the door frame, pointing at Mai. "At the end of the manga and anime, Naru and Mai do _not_ get together."

"What a –" Mai stopped herself, "Are you kidding me?"

"Everyone already _knows_ _that_ ," Naru concluded.


	13. The Reunion

Four years had passed since the ending of the Ghost Hunt series. So it was only high time for all the old co-stars to meet in a reunion party, and to discuss their current lives and job situations…

 

Mai, Naru, Yasu, Mr. Monk, Normal Ayako, Masako and Lin were gathered at the original SPR building. Since it was still empty, they had decided it would be okay to use it as a reunion spot. John had not yet arrived. And Gene was busy, as he normally was these days.

Except the office wasn't how they remembered it, since there was no furniture, electricity, gas, or water being brought into the building. It has been closed for four years. What had they been expecting?

"It's so nice to see everyone," Mai said, clapping her hands together and smiling broadly. It had been a good thing that they had decided to meet earlier in the day, because there was sunlight streaming through the windows. Otherwise, they probably wouldn't be able to see each other since there was no electricity. Everyone was sitting on the floor except for Masako, who was sitting on a cardboard box that she had found in the corner.

"Ah, yes, it's good to be back. This is where I made my debut, you know?" Yasu said, who was sitting next to Mai. Who was sitting extremely close to Mai. She would scoot away from him a bit only to have him scoot after her.

"Now I have the reign of my own world. As the king, so to speak," he continued. "Would you call me the king, Agent?"

Mr. Monk had turned all his cell phones off for this seemingly special occasion. Mai didn't remember when Mr. Monk had become Yasu's agent.

Mr. Monk nodded. "He's the god of advertisements. Everyone that has featured him in their advertisements, their sales go up ten-fold. Yasu is a… very convincing salesman."

"Convincing," Naru scoffed, who was standing by the windows. Mai was pretty sure he was still holding a grudge from when the producers had auctioned off all his antique lamps to pay off their bills. "You're using some type of mind control – that's the only answer."

"What have you been doing these last few years, Naru?" Mai said. She didn't want it to seem as if she was asking him the question as soon as she could, but she couldn't hold it in anymore.

Yasu leaned closer to her. "Apart from his acting career - he's become a model as a hobby."

Mai's eye's got so wide, that they almost tumbled out of her skull. "What? For which magazine? I haven't seen him!"

"That's terrible Mai. So that probably means that you've been missing out of his underwear photo shoots," Yasu said, shaking his head.

"You're an underwear model?" The idea struck Mai as terribly funny.

"It was only for a little while," Naru mumbled.

"At least it wasn't woman's underwear," Yasu said, and Mai almost choked on the tea she was drinking.

"What about you, Masako?" Mai said, trying to turn the conversation to something else. Except she knew that she would be thinking about Naru as a model for the rest of the evening…

Masako, whose wardrobe malfunction had finally been fixed, was wearing a kimono. She put the sleeve to her mouth and shifted on her cardboard box. "It's quite awful, really. The Ghost Hunt series has completely ruined my image. I always try to leave it out of my résumé, but it's no use – I've been forever marked as the bad-good girl that's such a minor character that people forget about her. The only time that they remember the character is to be reminded that they hate her." Masako covered her face.

Normal Ayako patted the girl's shoulder.

"What about you?" Mai asked Normal Ayako, once again to turn the conversation.

Normal Ayako was the beginning of all the exaggerated versions of herself from the Ghost Hunt series. She was a little bit of all of them. "Why, I've just been a devoted housewife. We've had more children, too."

"Oh, that's lovely. How many?"

"Five."

"Oh, how – Wait. You had _five_ more children. Didn't you already have three? You have _eight children_?"

"Oh, yes. I had two sets of twins and a single."

"Yech," Mai said, pretty sure that she wouldn't be able to have more than two. If only a certain underwear model would marry her.

Lin was sitting by the wall with his legs folded (remember, there's no furniture). And he was working on a…computer.

"Lin's become a computer technician," Yasu said.

Everyone was too horrified by watching him type and stare at the computer screen so intently. It seemed very... wrong.

"Hey, Lin," Mai said, raising her hand to get his attention. "Remember when you didn't like computers?"

"Me? Not like computers? What are you talking about?" Lin looked at Mai from over the computer screen. "I adore computers. They're the loveliest invention in the world. I love computers. I married my computer."

Mai was too shocked by the last sentence to say anything.

"Well, that's creepy," Yasu said.

"It's not creepy," Lin said, his eyes shining with unshed tears.

"All right," Mai said, trying yet _again_ to change the turn of conversation, "has anyone heard from John? He should have been here by now."

And thus on cue, there was a knock on the door.

Mai jumped up and ran excitedly to the door, opening it up to find… some person she didn't know.

"Oh, can I help you?"

"Well, no," he said, "You see, I've come to bring dire news. Father John Brown has passed on."

Mai covered her mouth. There was a collection of gasps behind her.

"John Brown had never fully recovered from the Cardboard Disease. He had just entered one of his bouts, and, well, someone left him outside in the rain, and he…melted."

Mai continued to just stare with a gaping mouth at the uncomfortable messenger.

"Also," the man said, "John had said that he never wanted to go to waste, even after his death, so we had him recycled."

"Recycled," Mai whispered to the man.

"Recycled," he calmly repeated.

Mai shut the door after the messenger had departed. "Recycled," she said again.

"Wow," Naru said. "That was unexpected."

She resumed her place on the floor.

"This is awful," she said, "That means that John can be in any cardboard-substance right now…"

Everyone's eyes narrowed in on the box that Masako was sitting on, and she hastily stood up and scooted the box back into the corner. Just in case.

There was another knock on the door, so Mai rolled her eyes and got back up. She had to wonder though, that maybe it would be John telling her it had all been in jest. Not that John had ever been one to joke. It had never been written into his character.

Mai opened the door, feeling the sense of déjà vu, because she had already just opened the door, and then saw Madoka standing in the doorway. There was no sense of déjà vu there, since she had never even seen Madoka on this set.

"Hello, everyone! Sorry that I'm late. You see, my train broke down so I've been stranded in a town four hours from here for the last few years. And whenever I tried to email Lin to come and pick me up, he would never answer for some reason. I was so disheartened." She stepped into the office, only stopping to pat Mai on the head. "Ah, this place looks perfect. The producers really know what they're doing, right? So," she turned to look at everyone sitting on the floor, "when does the production start?"

Yasu looked at her for a minute, and then said, "The production ended four years ago. They eventually had to just make your stunt-double take over your whole role since you never arrived."

Silence prevailed throughout the office.

"You mean, it's over?" she asked.

"Yes, I do believe so," Yasu said.

"No one bothered to ever call me?"

"The Other Madoka might have had something to do with that. Most people don't even know that there was an Original Madoka," Yasu said, "but don't worry; you'll always be the Real Madoka to us."

Madoka made a scoffing noise. "Who is she? I'll kill her for taking the role that I worked so hard to acquire."

"She's off to some other place in the world living the high-life, since she got more money than she would have if she was just a stunt-double."

Mai patted Madoka's shoulder. "It's okay. We still love you from your toes to your magenta colored-hair –"

"Excuse me? Magenta? My hair is a dark strawberry-blonde. Got it? Magenta is the color of the female dog from 'Blue's Clues'. That's the color magenta. Do not forget it."

"Yes, ma'am," Mai said.

The real truth was, which no one dared to say, was that they all liked the Other Madoka better. And that was why no one bothered to pick her up at a town only four hours away.

And then Gene walked through the still-opened front door, dramatically. Because he liked doing that. "Idiot scientist," he said before anyone else could speak.

"What?" Mai asked.

"Nothing, I just like saying it."

"What are you doing here?" Naru said, folding his arms. "Don't you have, like, three other movies that you should be at? You're disgracing the whole family when you take off like that."

"I'm going to go back. But first, I had come to see if Mai would be my Love Interest in my new movie. Duh." Gene took hold of her hand and kissed it. "He's just an idiot scientist."

"What! That's not acceptable! I've been trying to get her into the same movie as I for four years! I am against this. Somebody call my agent!" Yasu declared, standing up for dramatic emphasis.

Mr. Monk raised his hand, "You called?"

"Oh, I forgot…"

"But we were always supposed to be together," Gene said, "That's how the author intended it."

"I don't believe so," Naru said.

"And _why_ not, Mr. Idiot Scientist?"

"Because you were dead."

"Oh, yeah…"

Mai was still too dazzled to react to anything, because in her fantasies, she believed that they were fighting over her. When in reality, Naru had just wanted to remind Gene that he had been dead throughout the whole production.

"This has been an interesting reunion," Masako said, writing out her next résumé.

"What? What? It's the reunion?" Madoka said. "I missed everything else and I crashed the reunion?"

"Yes, you did," Yasu said.

"Where's John?" she demanded.

"That's an interesting question…"

"Don't worry – he's not gone forever," Naru said.

Mai looked over at him, a question mark all but appearing over her head. "He's not?"

"Of course not. They have a direct copy of him, just in a smaller, more manageable form. Just in case something like this ever happened, they could just make another one."

Mai couldn't help thinking that one of the producers had a paper doll version of John somewhere in their folder of character bios. It made her shudder to think of such a notion.

She had to wonder if they had one of her, too.

Madoka looked quizzical, but she also decided it was sometimes better not to press certain things.

"So," Mai said, "I guess we'll see each other again when they make a second season?"

They all shared in a hearty laugh – excluding Naru – because they all knew _that_ would never happen.

 


End file.
